This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
