Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
