Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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