then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
