i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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