I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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