I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
