So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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