It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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