What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
