worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
