I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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