I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
