At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
