i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My pussy is not your playground.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
