One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
