I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
