I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
