And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
