I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
