I faked an abortion last night.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so let's talk penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize