community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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