i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
