I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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