It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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