Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its not stalking. its research.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
