in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
