I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
