i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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