I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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