He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
