if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
