I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
