I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She announced her abortion via fbk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He shit in the fireplace
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize