i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
