Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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