I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
