i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
