I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
