Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
