everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
