I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
