you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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