i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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