my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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