WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
