do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
