Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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