I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
