just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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