It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's always time for handjobs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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