I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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