So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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