You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
