Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
