i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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