I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
