guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize