Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The best revenge is premature balding
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
