I can text with my tongue
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
