The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm at about main and main street
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
