oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
