Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
