my soul wont recognize me after tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
