Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize