ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
