I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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