:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drake has all the answers
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
