Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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