She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
