singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
