First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
