It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
