Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
