Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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