70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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