Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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