She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
