im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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