im six kinds of drunk right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
