Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
