you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
