the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
