We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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