We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
