Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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