grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I won the penis lottery.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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