Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
