i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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