wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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