So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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