and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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