My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
