when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
