Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize