I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
