So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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