you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize