He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
