HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize