Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
