he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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