Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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