we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
