she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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