Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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