you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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