Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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