Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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