If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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