I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
