she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
