my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
