I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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