It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
