In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
