Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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