I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No subtext here. People are naked.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
