so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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